Where are “The Replacements” and Keanu Reeves lol?

Let me try to get a fire started back at the Red Zone!! Sitting back, listening to all these millionaires cry!! These filthy rich bastards, think I am gonna feel sorry for them? Lol…like I really give a rats *ss if they lose a couple hundred thousand. Let them come work a REAL job with me….60 hours in the factory…and see how tough they really are.

I am hoping the NFL brings in the replacements this season. Maybe the Ravens can hire veteran “Hollywood washed up actor” Keanu Reeves….he already threw footballs in Baltimore for the movie “The Replacements” (it was filmed in the Charm City bucktooth). I would rather have this guy throwing BOMBS than Wacco Flacco…that guy runs backwards.

The Ravens announced recently they cancelled training camp to the public…yeah…there is a thing called a NFL STRIKE….you Dumb and Dumbers!! In a article in the paper down here recently, they say the Ravens will lose 20 million!! It cost $25  just to watch the Ravens practice!! 

Bad Boy columnist, and former amatuer Hot Dog eating champion….Joe Moko…will be back this season…if we have one. Moko said on the strike ” Yo, quit acting like some chumps…get dis deal done…before I beat somebody’s *ss yo”.

The Ravens…have continued to snub me….so I will continue to talk trash. Dont have me hit the PR guy in the head with a trash can lol!!  Other website’s have been invited by the team…all except me? I am left out in the crowd….despite having written for litterally every newspaper in Maryland…and breaking some of there records as well.  Hey…we need a tough critic….I show NO FAVOR…for million dollar crybaby’s!!

Tim Lumber

Ravens Go Smith-ilistic in 2011 Draft

Smith, then Smith. Its good to be related to the Smiths $$ on a financial note. Whether its 1st rounder shut down CB Jimmy Smith, or 2nd round speed burner WR and Maryland legend Torrey Smith. The Smiths will be millionaires sometime in the future. Whether its in 2011 or 2020 depends on when the greedy owners and players come to a union deal.
In one Smith-ilistic set of days, the Ravens allowed the Smiths…to become the Jeffersons. They are moving on up, and they didnt even have to win the Mega Millions. Me, I am stuck buying losers.
Jimmy Smith, immediatly becomes the Ravens #1 CB, yeah we have a Foxworth-Not-Worthy of jack. Move this reject to the 3rd slot, because Smith is the real deal, just like Hollyfield.
Torrey Smith, he will catch a few 50 yard td bombs this year, one will beat them Squeelers down in Pa land.
Now can we get a deal, or are we going to get to see “The Replacements 2″ live in person? If so, I wonder if this Keana Reeves kid can still throw a 20 yard spiral? Who the hell knows, unless you have a crystal ball,  cause I sure know the hell I dont, i cant see in the future. Welcome to Baltimore…Smiths…maybe we will see you this year, or maybe 10 years from now.

Tim Lumber: In Future, I will be a Serious Blogger

I wanted to announce right here, on Ravens Red Zone(not twitter lol) that my famous sh*t talking is going to get a little milder. Lately I been doing magazine sports stories, and I am going to be posting up more serious stuff, with less rant stuff. Dont get me wrong lol, when I get pissed, I will clearly raise some hell.
But the rant stuff has gotten old, so I want to be considered a serious writer. I am now 35, I am not sipping on whiskey like I once did. This kava, kava I take  has made me more mild.
The rant hell raising stuff, has gotten boring for me. I am a talented writer, and I want to show that…just cause I live in the trailer park, I can have a voice.
The thing that got me into writing is, to represent the hard, blue collar working people. We have a voice people. You dont need a college degree in journalism to be heard! And we have the ablitity to make a impact on all things. I want to thank you all…I will try to stay calm on here, from here on out. Go Ravens!!

Robert Van Peet: Hello Ravens Fans

I want to introduce myself, since millions of readers will be reading my stories for one full month. My name is Robert Van Peet, I am a former bareknuckle killer, trained in a secret unit in Germany. I once hit a man so hard, his eyeball fell out of his face. I plan on hitting you readers, with easier punches. I dont want you all to lose a eye.

I am a Steelers fan..Go Pittsburgh, screw Green Bay. I will never eat cheese as long as I live. I work as a service man for a BP gas station. People say I pump gas, but I offer service to customers. People constantly ask me about my legendary death matches in Germany. I have been in 18 fight to the death matches. I won all 18, if not i would not be talking to you all in lala land. The other 18, they werent as lucky.

But I come to America to start a new life. I fight this fat guy Joe Moko, who write stories here. He a lucky man. I will break his eye next time we fight. I trip, fall break my nose first fight, next time, its not healed, so it breaks again. I was once thee UFC top heavyweight prospect. Joe Rogan came to Germany, to watch me fight. I hurt this guy so bad, Rogan said I was the best UFC prospect he ever seen. I lose to fat guy Moko, now I have no cash offer to fight these turds in UFC.

You want me to talk about Ravens. They lose to my Steelers all thee time. We beat you all thee time. What dooo  you wan tme to say Baltimore? My name is Robert Van Peet, i am here at your service for 30 days. Be greatful my friends, be very greatful. Goodnight.

Robert Van Peet..to take over Ravens Red Zone for 1 Month!

Ladies and gentelman, in the biggest announcement in this sites history, the wildman Robert Van Peet will be given the keys to the Red Zone for 1 whole month. He is a Steelers fan, a guy who claims to be a trained German bareknuckle killer, and he is 0-2 in America fights, not even getting one punch off. Both times Moko broke his nose.
Van Peet is bias, hates the Ravens, but he claims…he will be fair.
“I am a former trained fighter, in a secret elite German goverment unit. I was the leader, the toughest guy in the entire country of Germany” says Van Peet. “I promise to not be bias, and report on Ravens news. I will surrender full control of this site, after one month”.
Ladies and gentelman…welcome your new sheriff…Mr. Robert Van Peet!

John Lee Roy Linde: Christina Aguilera and the Superbowl

  In regards to Christina Aguilera’s disgusting performance at the Superbowl: Doesn’t that dumb bitch rehearse? Isn’t she supposed to be a professional? I don’t like her music anyway, but seriously… she should be fined and deported out of the country for that. Don’t hand me that “she was nervous” bullshit, either. She “performs” in front a thousands of people ALL THE TIME! I used to sing back in high school, I know the jitters you get before you perform. BUT, I’ve never forgotten the words to a song, let alone the NATIONAL FUCKING ANTHEM!

Millions of people around the world now know what a talentless, unprofessional, poor excuse for an entertainer she truly is.

Now, on to the game itself…

Hey, Bratt Farve, guess what? The Packers didn’t need your old arrogant ass to win the biggest game of the year! Do yourself a favor, and stay retired this time. You’ve embarassed yourself over the past few years, almost as bad as the dimwit mentioned above.

Congratulations to the Packers. You’ve made everyone in Green Bay happy, and quite possibly even more people in Baltimore happy. I was at the Tilted Kilt in White Marsh, MD for the game. There were maybe 5 Steelers fans in the place, and they were greatly outnumbered. I kept explaining to people that I was cheering on the Steelers, because I was trying to play Murphy’s Law against itself. Before half-time, I had given up on that, and just went ahead and cheered for the Packers.

I think it’s pretty sad that even in the Superbowl, that the officials still blow calls left and right. I understand that they are human, but seriously, in the Superbowl?! I thought that only the best of the best was supposed to be officiating a game of this importance. Maybe the players should put that in their Union Contracts…. unbiased officiating.

John Lee Roy Linde

Joe Flacco GOES Polar Bear Diving!!

 While the elite NFL QB’s were in Hawaii, and the other 2 were preparing for the Super Bowl, the reject QB’s were doing their thing. Joe Flacco opted to go Polar Bear Diving in Maryland. Flacco was seen giving everyone highfives! Yip-Dee-F*ckin Dooooo! Somebody should have bealined a football to him. Dont ask him to throw it back, or he will throw it over your head lol! Just ask Anquan Boldin.

Ravens Red Zone columnist Joe Moko said” if I were there, I would have probally kicked his *ss”. One person who was there said”Flacco acted like he was the king of the world. He is highfiving everyone like he just won the super bowl. I hate to break it to him, you are a loser, start acting like it” said a crazy older guy holding a can of beer.

Joe Flacco just cause you went Polar Bear diving, dont make you a hero. You are still Ben’s b*tch. He beat you all 7 times. Now you get to watch your master playing in another Super Bowl, while you eat Dorritos on your couch, with your dumb*ss Jersey Shore haircut.

Joe Moko: Harbaugh is a CHUMP

The bad boy Joe Moko is back. Recently he re-broke the nose of Robert Van Peet, beating the former UFC prospect for a 2nd time. That story is still to come. We are waiting for legal rights to publish story from fight promoter. Here is Moko’s 1st full column in quite a while. Enjoy it.

Yo, da big man back. I busted up dat gas pumping b*tch Van Peet, now I gotta new chump. His name is John Harbaugh coach of da Ravens. Yo, you weak for not firing that b*tch Cam Cameron. Is he yo boyfriend? Why you not fire him then?
I wanna spar with you. I wanna put the mouthpiece in and dance. I weight 506 lbs, I look like butterbean. Yo, this whiteboy can punch homey. Ravens should fire Harbaugh. He weak yo, thats why.
I writing a story america. Listen to me speak. Yo, yo yo, I wanna fight John Harbaugh. I wanna hit him with a uppercut. Yo John, you wanna dance?

BULGER would whip Flacco in a QB competition!!

Flacco has already been called Ben Roethliserbergers B*TCH! Its embarrasing B-More! Lets get rid of this retard QB! I guarantee you if Marc Bulger was QB, we would be playing in the AFC Championship Game this weekend in Baltimore! One Baltimore Sun writer insisted the Ravens should give Bulger a chance to compete for the starting job next season.

I say its common f*cking sense! Bulger has better career numbers than Wacco does. He has never had the talent group of WR’s Flacco had either. Bulger would stomp Flacco in a FAIR(he will never get a fair competition) QB training camp competition next season.

I promise, until Flacco can beat Roethlisberger, I will NEVER say anything good about him on here. It aint the Steelers who are SQUEELING, its Flacco at the hands of Big Ben! I hate them Steelers, and I have to watch my teams QB, become one of their QB’s B*tch? This is BULL!! I bet Roethlisberger could NOT beat Bulger!

Mattison is GONE, 1 Moron Down, One to GO!!

Greg Mattison took a college job at Michigan doing the same job he did in the NFL! He is going to be Michigans defensive coordinator. Maybe Harbaugh gave him the clue, he should get the f*ck out of Baltimore. This senior citizen, costed the Ravens the game, with his 3 man rushes. It became a big thing in the media this week outside of Baltimore, with them all laughing silly over Mattisons playcalling.
I say One Moron in Mattison is GONE, now get rid of the other *sshole in Cam Cameron!!