Ravens will turn the TITANS…..into MIDGETS this sunday @ 1pm

 I am NOT writing a fairytale!!!  This aint Jack and the Beanstalk…this is the damn NFL. Were chopping the Titans legs off this sunday. #52 is bringing a AX!!  If Chris Johnson starts running on us again, were gonna bend his back like a pretzel again…lol Ed Reed took him out last season. Once he was down, we took OUR cheap shots lol. Thats why you hate the Purple and Black…we play ghetto football!! We have a simple moto…what ever it takes to win!!

#5 Joe Flacco is leading us into Tennesee, and just like Davey Crocket once did down there…he is kicking *ss and taking names. Expect him to add Hasselback to his b*tch list next to Roethlisbergers name. After we STOMP you bee-acthes….your gonna feel like midgets.

I asked my guest columnist Joe Moko “what do you think about Tennnesee ?” Moko said “Yo, nothing but moonshine sipping hillbilly’s down there. That team is soft, like water.” Way to put it Joe. My predictions for this game Ravens 35 Titans 3….expect this game to be over by halftime, just like last weeks game!!

Join us on FACEBOOK!!

This is the ONLY Ravens website….designed for the FANS!! WE PUT YOU 1st!! Not the player…YOU!! I love having the chance to see who reads my stories on here. So go to the official Ravens Red Zone facebook page…and LIKE it, and become a fan. I will be posting links on that page as well. Here is the link http://www.facebook.com/zeemamacat?ref=ffl#!/profile.php?id=1638828369

Ravens Fans…..Talk Smack after STOMPING the Squeelers!!

 (My father Charles Lumber in picture, celebrating by drinking a beer in his Ravens beer mug lol)
Ravens fans had plenty of SMACK to talk…after beating the Steelers on opening day this past sunday. John Parks from Glen Burnie, was my fan I wanted to keep track with. This beer guzzling former bouncer, likes to kick *ss and take names. “I got it one Steeler fans face before the game. I told him, I would put that towel away, before i wipe your *ss with it. Dude put the towel away real fast” says John Parks.

Joe Moko my guest columnist drove all the way from Max Meadows, Va to see his hometown team, kick *ss. “Yo, i was up in that joint. Somebody recognized me, bought me a hotdog, since I was hot dog eating champ back in da day. One Steeler fan, want to act he a poor loser. I turned around in my seats, I was like yo, you bout to get dat *ss beat, he didnt say jack homey, cause he woulda got jacked” says Joe Moko.

Also fans were happy to see Joe Flacco get rid of the “Roethlisberger b**tch label. It now looks like Ben….is Joes B*tch!! Every where in Baltimore, fans were celebrating, by talking sh*t about them Squeelers lol. We sent back to the BURGH…squeeling like the pigs they are!!

Tim Lumber/Joe Moko…Ravens/Steelers pre-game predictions!!

TOPIC #1….WHO WOULD WIN IN A FIST FIGHT….RAY LEWIS or BEN ROETHLISBERGER?
Tim Lumber(lead columnist) : Baltimore…do I really need to answer this? Who the f*ck do you think would win? Ray Lewis would beat Ben so bad, people would think he just got into another motorcycle accident lol.

Joe Moko(guest columnist) : Yo, my homeboy Ray Lewis would beat dat *ss yo. He would put Ben in a ER homey!

TOPIC #2…CAN FLACCO ERASE THAT LABEL OF BEING BEN’s B*TCH…and Finally Beat him?
Tim Lumber: I think today is the day…that Flacco gets to take off that DRESS he has been wearing everytime he plays Ben. He is 0-9 career vs Ben. Today, he gets rid of that label!!

Joe Moko: Homey…Ben is about to become Joe’s B*tch today!! (Tim Lumber says- Hell yeah Joe Moko, way to put it bro)

Topic #3 WHO WINS THIS FOOTBALL GAME?
Tim Lumber: The Ravens win this game35-0. I see a shutout. Its opening day in Baltimore, fans will be fighting in the seats, and the Ravens start off by kicking *ss and taking names!!

Joe Moko: Ravens gonna win yo, cause I say its!

Can Flacco FINALLY beat Roethlisberger???

 In the offseason, he goes Polar Bear swimming. During last season, when he would scramble….he ran slow like a Polar Bear. In his career…he has NEVER been able to defeat Ben Roethlisberger. He is 0-100 LOL. Come opening day, Wacco Flacco wants to erase that label!! In Pittsburgh, Flacco is refered to as….Ben Roethlisberger’s B*tch!

Both QB’s got married in the offseason. And the wedding reception….will be both of these QB’s battling…to see who really is the BEST MAN in the AFC NORTH…this sunday on opening day, in Baltimore at M&T Bank Stadium. Expect blood, trash talking, all the fun stuff that comes with the NFL’s most heated rivalry.

Can Flacco be a MAN? Can he finally beat Ben? Can Flacco shut up all them folks in Pittsburgh who gave him a cruel label? @1pm sunday….Flacco will have to step up….if he loses this game…..he will be asked to leave Baltimore….just like the Colts did….via Mayflower truck!!!

Ravens Fan says….Whip a Steelers *ss on Opening Day!!

Joe Duncan stands a towering 5’6″ lol. He might not be the biggest most intimidating person you will meet. He may also not be the guy you fear to meet in a dark alley!!  But come opening day next sunday, he plans on throwing down inside M&T Bank Stadium. Thats when the Ravens get a chance to get some paybacks, and make them Squeelers squeel!

Joe Duncan has been practicing Muay Thai, after being badly beaten In Pittsburgh last year during the playoff game. “I was punched in the face by this big Steelers fan outside after we lost to them. It was injury to insulte dude. Guys in the black and gold think my size meant easy pickings. This year, I have some elbows and knee’s for them”.

Duncan is a self learner of Muay Thai. He has purchased 4 dvd’s on Muay Thai, and plans to use it next sunday, to the 1st Steeler fan who calls him a name. “Most deffiently. If someone calls me a name in our stadium, then I will shut him up, no doubt” says Duncan.

Joe Duncan has a message Baltimore…..lets whip a Steelers *ss next sunday. They think this is their stadium, its not. I am willing to fight for my hometeam.

Join Ravens Red Zone on Facebook, and chat with Tim Lumber

I am calling all Ravens fans to join the wild Ravens Red Zone’s official facebook fan page! There you can chat with me Tim Lumber, and my wild co-writers who bring you the fans stories and wildest Ravens stories on the internet!!

I am going to be blogging on here regularly now, with opening day next sunday. Starting off against them damn Squeelers. Its gonna be one hell raising week….i guarantee it!! Here is the link to the facebook fan page! NOTE: I love seeing who my readers are….I enjoy looking at the fan list…make yourself known!! I do these stories for YOU!!!! Here is the link…lets get this season popping lol. http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Ravens-Red-Zone/323707055630

5′ 2″ Ravens Fan…Badly Beaten in Philly before Exhibition Game!!

According to his 6’1″ best friend, he is known as the “Killer Elf” never losing a street fight his entire life. The 5’2″ Ravens fan who is Dan Denton, makes no bones about he swung 1st but he just couldnt finish it.  He also makes no bones about it, that his sidekick and best friend Sal Ogle, started the war, by saying “F*ck the Eagles and Mark Walberg” since he appeared in the Eagles movie “Invincible”.

Why the 6’1″ Goliath didnt help David is questionable? Now the “Killer Elf” wants to fight his best friend of 28 years. According to Sal, he saw a group of drunken Eagles fans, who said the “Ravens Suck” when they walked by them, in the Philly stadium parking lot. “Thats why I said, that about the Eagles and Mark Walberg”. “I simply told them, if you have a problem….then say hello to my little friend” Sal tells me.

Thats when the “Killer Elf” got in the face(or stomach since he is so little lol) of the huge 250 pound plus Eagles Fan. “I weigh 108 lbs say the Killer Elf. But I am a little gangster. I simply threw my beer in his face. Thats how I get down. Im like a mother f*cken wild hog” he tells me. Well the wild hog, would eat 4 solid punches, knocking out 7 of his teeth.

“Blood was every where dude. I cant believe me best friend, so what if he was little, let a Eagles fan chump him off like that. I told his little *ss, dont come back to Baltimore we dont want you. You got beat by a Eagle. I dont care if he was my best friend of 28 years. He disgraced Baltimore” says the rude Sal Ogle. After the “Killer Elf’ was KO’d on the stadium parking lot, a ambulance came to take him to the hospital.

“I didnt even go to hospital with the chump. I had a ticket, I opted to use it. Lets not start any sh*t about it” Sal tells me. The Killer Elf, has yet to see his 6’1″ best friend, since leaving the Philly parking lot a bloody mess via ambulance. But he has a harsh warning. “You started this fight. Now I finish Sal. I dont care how big you are, I am stomping your *ss when I see you. You will find out, why they call me the Killer Elf, cause you are gonna need a hurse when i get dome with you”.

Raven fans, the regular season aint even started yet. Lets keep our knuckles fresh, for the regular season. Why throw blows for meaningless practice games? Save them punches for the Home Opener against Sh*ttsburgh. There is going to be alot of fights that day. Squeeler fans wishing to enter our Baltimore stadium for the opener, you better bring your mouthpieces…you filthy animals!!

Lumber/Moko….Ravens Lose Preseason…But Who Watches Practice Games?

Whooooooo!! Been hybernating some time, but football season is back you crazy bastards!! Me and my homeboy Joe Moko…decided to talk about this game, and why we dont give a rats *ss about practice games…and why we will still win the damn Super Bowl this season!!
Joe Moko: I was at the freakin bar tonight in Max Meadows yo, they didnt even play this damn practice game on the telly tube. Who gives a hoot we lost, everybody know come season opener, we are gonna be stompin *sses and taken names just like we do every damn year.
Tim Lumber: I had to work down at the Locke(best company in the damn world) and I didnt even check for the score. Who gives a damn about these meaningless games. Im like Joe on this…come season opener, we will do what we do every year, kick ass, take names and make it to the playoffs!!

Joe Moko: Now we talk about Pittsburgh Yo. You folks so dumb yo, you forgot to put a logo on the other side of dat ugly *ss helmet.
Tim Lumber: I call that town Sh*ttsburgh, cause it smells like sh*t lol. Them bastards beat us last year in the playoffs, come September we are gonna bust Little Bens *ss, and show them who runs this damn division.

Joe Moko: We lost tonights preseason game. I wont lose any sleep yo.
Tim Lumber: I didnt even know we lost until Joe told me. Wipp-dee-f*ckin-doo lol. Our bench warmers basically got there *ss kicked. In Baltimore…we ONLY play the real games. Thats when we start stomping all you other loser teams in the NFL. Let me end this with a bird call….cawwwwwww, cawwwww…haha. Sports Blog Net readers….this is the REAL Ravens site. We tell it like it is!!

Tim Lumber/Joe Moko…Taken Over Steelers Fever facebook page!!

Me and the baddest man on the planet….Joe “Golden Gutt” Moko have gotten some paybacks for both being banned for life by the Steelers Fever website. Yep…we taken over there damn facebook fan page. The only thing that pissed me off was…I had to LIKE their page, in order to post.
http://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/steelersfever Join me Raven fans….lets turn this damn Squeeler site…into a Ravens fan club site!!! I just got off the phone with the 442 pound bareknuckle assasin and Red Zone columnist Joe Moko….here is what he had to say. “Yo homies…it da big man…give me some back up”.

You can ban me 4 life…but the NFL STRIKE is over….now its time for some damn smack talk. Hey Pittsburgh…we will make you squeel!!