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Archive for September, 2011

Ravens will RIP THE HORNS….off them RAMS!!

The Ravens are about to prove….that birds can kill rams!! The Rams come into this game, sporting one of the NFL’s worst defenses. A defense that is more CLUELESS than Alicia Silverstone!! This game will be more LOPSIDED…than the Elephant Mans FACE!!! I expect the Ravens to win this game by 5 TD’s. Yeah a Road Warriors son may play for them, but the Ravens have the “Hulk Hogan” of the NFL on our defense in #52 Ray Lewis!

This game is gonna be over by halftime. So make sure where ever you watch this *sswhipping, have extra beer handy, its gonna turn into a sideshow….one that will awaken P.T. Barnum from his grave. If you live in St.Louis, save your DOUGH, and buy a pizza and stay home. Your Rams are gonna get their HORNS RIPPED OFF!!

I can blog on and on….but all I need to do is…POST REALITY…..if you think the Ravens will lose this game…then you must have never watched football in your lifetime!! If you live in Vegas….act like the Lion from the Wizard of Oz…get a heart…make some $$….bet on the Ravens!!

This game will be more UGLIER…than the Elephan Mans FACE!!!

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Posted by    Date: Sunday, September 25, 2011

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Orlando Brown….Ravens should include him in Ring of Honor

 In 2001 former Ravens RB, Earnest Byner, was the 1st inductee to the Ravens “Ring of Honor” for the most part, for his time both with the Ravens and Browns when they resided in Cleveland. With the recent passing of legendary Browns, and Ravens OT Orlando Brown…its time to put his name onto the Ravens “Ring of Honor”.

My facebook post(feel free to add me) http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1638828369 I had a couple Ravens fans comment on meeting Orlando Brown in person, and they both shared one thing in common….Orlando Brown was perhaps the nicest football player off the field. One person talked about meeting him back in 2005 at a Ravens Roost event. Another met him and his son, at the deli in Cross Street Market. Orlando spent almost 30 minutes talking to her.

I had Orlando Brown on my facebook friends list. Today, his facebook wall, is covered in R.I.P. comments, and several comments from people who knew him personally. One girl stated, that back in college, Orlando would carry her, like she was a little kid. Several former teammates from his South Carolina days, sent him messages, talking about stuff they did back in the day. And the hardest part about Orlando’s facebook page….he uploaded so many pics of his kids.

I didnt know the guy personally, but you could tell….he lived for his kids. Its clearly a sad day in Baltimore. Clearly going to be very rough on his kids. Having had a REAL LIFE partial out of body experience, when I OD’d, from Valumn, vodka, and flu medicine some 15 years ago. I can guarantee, Orlando is still here in spirit. I shook his hand at a South Baltimore Royal Farms just 6 months ago. I was once at a red light next to him….and he was in his Black Bentley, with license plates that read ZEUS.

Its clearly a sad day in Baltimore. Its time the Ravens step up…and put Orlando Brown in the “Ring of Honor” you couldnt pick a better Raven…to be remembered!! From Ravens Red Zone, and me Tim Lumber personally….I want to send out my condolences to the entire Brown family.

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Posted by    Date: Saturday, September 24, 2011

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Ravens are SCREWED with Flacco as QB!!

He runs like he has cement shoes…so forget about it!! He loves mob movies and Jersey Shore. If his career was a Hollywood MOB movie, Joe Flacco would sink to the bottom of Ocean City’s water, wearing a pair of cement shoes, that were made by Joe Pesci. But this is reality. Flacco sucks so bad as the Ravens QB, watching him, is litterally worst than having a wise guy slap you around like the dog you are LOL.

Flacco would never be a GODFATHER or leader in the Mafia. For one, look at Flacco on the sidelines. Compare any other starting QB in the NFL. Flacco stands there quietly by himself. He shows ZERO leadership skills. Other QB’s are talking to recievers and talking about plays when they stand on the sidelines. Flacco lacks leadership.

RUN FLACCO…..RUN. Joe Flacco also has NO relation, to Forrest Gump. His running aka scrambling abilities, are the worst in the NFL. Maybe his shoes are too big??  Flacco has a tendancy to run backwards.

Its plain and simple….DO NOT give this idiot a contract extension!! If you do….we are SCREWED for how ever many years he signs it for. Bring back Kyle Boller, damn…he was bad…but he is way better than Flacco hands down!!

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Posted by    Date: Thursday, September 22, 2011

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Joe Moko challenges Joe Flacco to a Bareknuckle Fight!!

My guest columnist and former amateur hot dog eating champ, and Max Meadow, Va bareknuckle fighter Joe Moko has a grudge on disgruntled Ravens QB Joe Flacco. Joe Moko sent me out his official public issue(by e-mail) of the fight challenge, and this is what it read…..

Yo Joe! Boy you make it embarrasing homey to be a Ravens fan. I am calling you out. You either yellow, or you a man. I wanna scrap with no gloves. Yo homey, im a big boy yo. I weigh 463 lbs. Thats alot of pain if you step up. Yo, dont be trying to bring Ray Lewis wit ya. He cool wit me ok. This between me and you. If I beat yo *ss, then you wont be able to play. I be doing B-more a favor. I will put you down. I throw punches like Tyson homey. I stick and move like Muhamad Ali. So you wanna fight me Joe? You man,or are you a yellow coward?- Joe Moko official press release for fight challenge to Ravens QB Joe Flacco.

LOL…I dont think Flacco is Wacco enough to throw blows with you Moko.

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Posted by    Date: Thursday, September 22, 2011

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Ravens will turn the TITANS…..into MIDGETS this sunday @ 1pm

 I am NOT writing a fairytale!!!  This aint Jack and the Beanstalk…this is the damn NFL. Were chopping the Titans legs off this sunday. #52 is bringing a AX!!  If Chris Johnson starts running on us again, were gonna bend his back like a pretzel again…lol Ed Reed took him out last season. Once he was down, we took OUR cheap shots lol. Thats why you hate the Purple and Black…we play ghetto football!! We have a simple moto…what ever it takes to win!!

#5 Joe Flacco is leading us into Tennesee, and just like Davey Crocket once did down there…he is kicking *ss and taking names. Expect him to add Hasselback to his b*tch list next to Roethlisbergers name. After we STOMP you bee-acthes….your gonna feel like midgets.

I asked my guest columnist Joe Moko “what do you think about Tennnesee ?” Moko said “Yo, nothing but moonshine sipping hillbilly’s down there. That team is soft, like water.” Way to put it Joe. My predictions for this game Ravens 35 Titans 3….expect this game to be over by halftime, just like last weeks game!!

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Posted by    Date: Sunday, September 18, 2011

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Join us on FACEBOOK!!

This is the ONLY Ravens website….designed for the FANS!! WE PUT YOU 1st!! Not the player…YOU!! I love having the chance to see who reads my stories on here. So go to the official Ravens Red Zone facebook page…and LIKE it, and become a fan. I will be posting links on that page as well. Here is the link http://www.facebook.com/zeemamacat?ref=ffl#!/profile.php?id=1638828369

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Posted by    Date: Wednesday, September 14, 2011

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Ravens Fans…..Talk Smack after STOMPING the Squeelers!!

 (My father Charles Lumber in picture, celebrating by drinking a beer in his Ravens beer mug lol)
Ravens fans had plenty of SMACK to talk…after beating the Steelers on opening day this past sunday. John Parks from Glen Burnie, was my fan I wanted to keep track with. This beer guzzling former bouncer, likes to kick *ss and take names. “I got it one Steeler fans face before the game. I told him, I would put that towel away, before i wipe your *ss with it. Dude put the towel away real fast” says John Parks.

Joe Moko my guest columnist drove all the way from Max Meadows, Va to see his hometown team, kick *ss. “Yo, i was up in that joint. Somebody recognized me, bought me a hotdog, since I was hot dog eating champ back in da day. One Steeler fan, want to act he a poor loser. I turned around in my seats, I was like yo, you bout to get dat *ss beat, he didnt say jack homey, cause he woulda got jacked” says Joe Moko.

Also fans were happy to see Joe Flacco get rid of the “Roethlisberger b**tch label. It now looks like Ben….is Joes B*tch!! Every where in Baltimore, fans were celebrating, by talking sh*t about them Squeelers lol. We sent back to the BURGH…squeeling like the pigs they are!!

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Posted by    Date: Tuesday, September 13, 2011

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Tim Lumber/Joe Moko…Ravens/Steelers pre-game predictions!!

TOPIC #1….WHO WOULD WIN IN A FIST FIGHT….RAY LEWIS or BEN ROETHLISBERGER?
Tim Lumber(lead columnist) : Baltimore…do I really need to answer this? Who the f*ck do you think would win? Ray Lewis would beat Ben so bad, people would think he just got into another motorcycle accident lol.

Joe Moko(guest columnist) : Yo, my homeboy Ray Lewis would beat dat *ss yo. He would put Ben in a ER homey!

TOPIC #2…CAN FLACCO ERASE THAT LABEL OF BEING BEN’s B*TCH…and Finally Beat him?
Tim Lumber: I think today is the day…that Flacco gets to take off that DRESS he has been wearing everytime he plays Ben. He is 0-9 career vs Ben. Today, he gets rid of that label!!

Joe Moko: Homey…Ben is about to become Joe’s B*tch today!! (Tim Lumber says- Hell yeah Joe Moko, way to put it bro)

Topic #3 WHO WINS THIS FOOTBALL GAME?
Tim Lumber: The Ravens win this game35-0. I see a shutout. Its opening day in Baltimore, fans will be fighting in the seats, and the Ravens start off by kicking *ss and taking names!!

Joe Moko: Ravens gonna win yo, cause I say its!

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Posted by    Date: Sunday, September 11, 2011

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Can Flacco FINALLY beat Roethlisberger???

 In the offseason, he goes Polar Bear swimming. During last season, when he would scramble….he ran slow like a Polar Bear. In his career…he has NEVER been able to defeat Ben Roethlisberger. He is 0-100 LOL. Come opening day, Wacco Flacco wants to erase that label!! In Pittsburgh, Flacco is refered to as….Ben Roethlisberger’s B*tch!

Both QB’s got married in the offseason. And the wedding reception….will be both of these QB’s battling…to see who really is the BEST MAN in the AFC NORTH…this sunday on opening day, in Baltimore at M&T Bank Stadium. Expect blood, trash talking, all the fun stuff that comes with the NFL’s most heated rivalry.

Can Flacco be a MAN? Can he finally beat Ben? Can Flacco shut up all them folks in Pittsburgh who gave him a cruel label? @1pm sunday….Flacco will have to step up….if he loses this game…..he will be asked to leave Baltimore….just like the Colts did….via Mayflower truck!!!

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Posted by    Date: Thursday, September 8, 2011

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Ravens Fan says….Whip a Steelers *ss on Opening Day!!

Joe Duncan stands a towering 5’6″ lol. He might not be the biggest most intimidating person you will meet. He may also not be the guy you fear to meet in a dark alley!!  But come opening day next sunday, he plans on throwing down inside M&T Bank Stadium. Thats when the Ravens get a chance to get some paybacks, and make them Squeelers squeel!

Joe Duncan has been practicing Muay Thai, after being badly beaten In Pittsburgh last year during the playoff game. “I was punched in the face by this big Steelers fan outside after we lost to them. It was injury to insulte dude. Guys in the black and gold think my size meant easy pickings. This year, I have some elbows and knee’s for them”.

Duncan is a self learner of Muay Thai. He has purchased 4 dvd’s on Muay Thai, and plans to use it next sunday, to the 1st Steeler fan who calls him a name. “Most deffiently. If someone calls me a name in our stadium, then I will shut him up, no doubt” says Duncan.

Joe Duncan has a message Baltimore…..lets whip a Steelers *ss next sunday. They think this is their stadium, its not. I am willing to fight for my hometeam.

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Posted by    Date: Saturday, September 3, 2011

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