Are you ready for RAVEN…Monday Night Football?
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ar45JSbFlGM&feature=fvsr[/youtube]
Yeah, I gotta work tonight, so I am going to miss the Ravens bashing the Jets. But the Ravens DONT pay my bills, so the job is just a little more important. Dont worry, exclusive Ravens Red Zone columnist John Lee Roy Linde will be watching here in Baltimore, and the Big man, 439 pounder Joe Moko, will be watching from a rundown Max Meadows, Va. bar, so they will have their insights for you readers here.
Tonight, starts the beginning of the Ravens march, to the Super Bowl. Newly aquired Ravens WR’s Boldin and Houshmanzadah, along with CB Wilson, should make a immediate impact tonight, and will help contribute to them New Yorkers crying like babies after the Jets get stomped.
The story line of tonights game is clearly REX RYAN vs the Ravens and Ray Lewis. The fat*ss continues to cry, how he was refused the Head Coaching position by the Ravens. Ravens already beat Rex in last seasons pre-season game, but this time, they plan on shutting him up in a regular season game.
Mark Sanchez and Joe Flacco are 2 of the biggest name QB’s in the AFC. Both QB’s took their team to the AFC Championship Game in their rookie seasons. BUT, both QB’s have averaged below par stats. This is a make or break season for Wacco Flacco, and DONT expect some idiot names Mark Sanchez, to be able to move the ball on the Ravens. Especially since Rex Ryan already did the no-no, and pissed off Ray.
I will be at work, so I aint in a happy mood you bucktooth Jets fans. I think this will be a close game. The Jets do have 3 legit CB’s probally the best core in the league to challenge our WR’s. This is NOT a good game to make money on and bet. If the Jets get no more than 3, I say take it. Ravens win this boring 3 and out game by 6 points.
Ravens Fan Quits JOB, to go to NY Monday!
I got a very interesting e-mail I had to share with you drunken kids. A man named “Big” Bill Bunker, quit his job earlier today(friday) just because the boss wouldnt let him off of work monday. “He told me, you take off, dont come back to work” says the 6’3″ Bill Bunker. Bunker, a typical underpaid American, was raking in a lowly $6.25 cents a hour.
“I was at this dump for 3 years” he says. Bunker was a order puller for some cheap warehouse, who refused to pay their workers normal wages. “I worked hard for 3 years, and this is how they repay me. I have no idea what to do when I get back. I may have to go on wellfare, or I may try to get a job as a cabbie in NY and just dont come back”.
That cab driving job will be hard though. Little do you know, with some hard research, Bunker has a DWI on his record followed by 7 points. “Yeah, you found my record. Lets just say 7 is not my lucky number and leave it at that” he says. “Big” Bill Bunker won a free trip to NY on a internet gambling site. “I gambled $5 on the game, and won the drawing. I get a free bus ride there, a free ticket and $10 for food”. What a scam. $10 for food in NY? You cant even buy a Coca Cola for under $5 in that overpriced town.
I contacted the warehouse manager who fired Bunker. Under restrictions, and talking to him, he wished to leave his name unknown and the job unkown as well. He did allow for me to print his responses. “Bill has a chip on his shoulder that this darn game is more important than his job. He already used his vacation up, and he asks for 3 days off” the boss tells me. “I told him, I own you Monday-Friday from 7am-3pm, you are my property. If you wish to not comply, then dont let the door hit your *ss on the way out”. This guy had a serious attitude. I had to call back Bill Bunker and get his take on this.
“Screw him. I won tickets to a football game. Let me enjoy it. I work for slave wages. If he has a personal problem with me, tell him, I can always stop back down there when I get back, and beat his *ss in front of the entire company in the parking lot”. A call back to his boss with the challenge, was ACTUALLY ACCEPTED!! I could not believe this lol. I asked for a regular worker there, to e-mail me with details if this bareknuckle fight takes place this wednesday or thursday. The boss told me on phone”If he beats me, I will be a man and tell you. I wil give you all the details. Just tell him to be a man and back up that fowl mouth”. Give me something good to write about Bill Bunker….go BUNK UP, that jerk off a boss.
Ray Lewis BASHES the CryBaby Rex Ryan!
Ray Lewis has heard enough bullsh*t, and he aint gonna take it anymore Rex Ryan. Rex Ryan, continues to cry about how he was passed over for the Ravens Head Coaching job a few years ago in favor of Harbaugh. Quit crying, and go eat another hamburger fat*ss!
Here is a copy of the article pasted(followed by mine and bad*ss Joe Moko’s opinion on this matter)…..
OK, so I promised the words “Hard Knocks” wouldn’t appear on this blog again now that the show is over, and that really was my intent before I came across a story and video on The Washington Post‘s website.
Baltimore Ravens all-everything linebacker Ray Lewis finally had enough of hearing what his former defensive coordinator and now New York Jets coach Rex Ryan has been saying about his team. Between his bold predictions at press conferences and his bold statements behind closed doors — but in front of HBO’s cameras — Ryan managed to tick off one of his favorite players.
Ironically, Ryan happened to mention Lewis and Ravens safety Ed Reed in Wednesday night’s season finale of “Hard Knocks: Training Camp With the New York Jets” when he let quarterback Mark Sanchez know that he was going to allow him to call the plays on offense in the second half of New York’s preseason game at the Philadelphia Eagles.
That was innocent enough, but all of the other things that have come out of Ryan’s mouth — like how the Jets can beat anybody they line up against and how they are going to the Super Bowl or bust — has irked Lewis to no end. He also heard how new Jets cornerback Antonio Cromartie proclaimed, “the Jets are the Miami Heat of football,” and the future Hall of Famer had the perfect retort.
“If y’all are the Miami Heat, we got to be the Lakers because we’re looking for multiple rings,” Lewis said. “You listen to all of this yap, yap, yap. The bottom line is you’ve got to buckle up your chin strap. So Rex can say what he wants to say. … Coach Mark Sanchez. Coach your Jets.
“My name should not come out of Rex’s mouth, unless you’re telling somebody to come block me, which is going to be a very hard damn task come Monday night. All this pressure he wants to put on his team, I hope they can cash this check that he writes.”
Having coached Lewis in Baltimore for 10 years (1999-2008), you’d think that Ryan ought to know that it’s not a good idea to rile him up if you’re the opponent. But circumstances have changed, and in this instant news cycle that we are all a part of, we are now privy to Ryan’s response to Lewis’ criticism courtesy of the New York Daily News.
“I got a lot of respect for Ray,” Ryan said. “It doesn’t matter what he says in a negative light. I still respect him. But we are going to try to smash him, I can tell you that much.”
Let the games begin.
OK…lets here what Moko had to say. “Yo, I am getting sick and tired of Rex running off his mouth yo. I wanna call him out, ask him to be a man and fight me. I wanna fist fight Rex Ryan. Step up Rex, I will shut you up for the 10 count yo” says Moko.
Now lets get my opinion….Ryan is still crying like a little bee-atch. I would mail you some Pampers Rex, but I dont know is they make them that big lol. We got the 3 best WR’s in football. Your screwed just like that little bratt Macaulay Culkin when he was “Home Alone”. We are coming in your stadium, and stomping you New Yorkers. The Jets are a damn joke. Monday Night, we got some beef to settle you Hamburger Helper looking fool!
Mark Sanchez will have a BULLSEYE on him Monday!
Beware of #52 and the rest of the greatest defense in NFL history, you over-rated NY reject. Yeah, your team went to the AFC Championship Game, but you threw for like 150 yards a game lol. You dont have the “skills to pay the bills” and come Monday Night Football, Ray Lewis will BLAST you Sanchez.
Better wear them Nikes. Buy some pumps or something, just be ready too run like a girl. You got nothing on the Ravens defense. You know it too. 1st game ever for the Jets in this new dump stadium. The Ravens will christian it with a victory. Revis signed, so what! We got the “BIG 3″ WR’s you cant guard all 3 Revis.
I think “Mount Cody” will get his 1st NFL sack this Monday. He only weighs like 360lbs lol. Imagine him leveling Sanchez to the NY boooooo’s….haha. NY, you all call yourself the Big Apple, well the Ravens are the “BIG APPLE” of the NFL. Get ready NY, here we come….and WE CANT BE STOPPED!! My game prediction is… Ravens 42 Jets 3 yeah its going to be a blowout. If you live in Vegas, make this easy bet Einstein!
NOBODY Wants to Play the Ravens!!
It is 3:48am, wake up Baltimore…Im like a drunken alarm clock. Dont worry nerds, I am drinking Ice Tea at the moment!
Lets get to the point, word around NFL cities is nobody wants to play the Baltimore Ravens. I cant blame them lol. I mean, when you have the toughest defense to ever play in NFL history, and you have 3 Pro-Bowl WR’s a Pro-Bowl RB, and a QB who everyone is saying will be a big star this year….would you want to play us? Hell no you wouldnt.
Its scientifically impossible to cover Mason, Boldin and Houshmanzadah at the same time. It cant be done. Name one team with a WR core that good?
All of a sudden even the always brave Squeeler fans have went mute. Bungals were bragging they have T.O. and Ochocinco….but it was T.J. who had the most recieving yards when he was on there team, now wasnt it? The Browns…haha, I wont even ask that stupid question.
Joe Moko told me via hospital telephone earlier “Teams will be afraid to play us yo. They cant stop all 3 of them recievers” and he is correct. Yeah, Baltimore has bragging rights all year long. This is going to be the best year in Ravens history. I honestly dont see us losing one game all year.
We are going to beat teams helpless. The only bad thing is, the game will probally be over at halftime. But it will be fun beating up our division rivals. Man, we are going undefeated, I cant wait. We are going to win the Super Bowl, yeah I said it bucky.
Ravens WIN SUPER BOWL NOW with Husmanzadah!
Mason, Boldin, and now Hushmanzadah(did I spell his name right lol?). We have the greatest damn receiving corpse in NFL history. Just give us our Vince Lombardi Super Bowl trophy now! I think I can hear them crying all the way from Pittsburgh…haha. We are NOW unstoppable. No team can contain all 3 of them WR’s…nobody can!
No way EVEN lose 1 game this year! We are going unbeaten 16-0. Move over Dolphins, we are about to de-flate your fish tank with perfection. I love it, how I am the first sports blogger to be able to announce to the WORLD, the Ravens have won the Super Bowl! We just dont have to wait to celebrate in January.
I feel sorry for you other NFL fans who root for other teams(thinking to myself….losers lol). You cant stop the Ravens, none of you can. Dont hate…appreciate greatness! We are now the #1 ranked team in the NFL. If any sports writer does NOT rank us #1 now, he is a drunk, and he should be fired! PERFECTION…we are perfect! We are unbeatable! We will win the Super Bowl. I gotta pour me a glass of whiskey to celebrate….later folks!!
Loko…Moko in the Hospital, will be BACK next Tuesday.
Joe Moko is currently in the hospital folks. He told me on the phone “I broke my foot on a 4 wheeler accident. Apparently it was not made for big people like me yo. Tell the readers, I will write a story for next tuesday, after my boys win against the Jets on opening day yo” he told me.
Yeah Moko, you may not want to ride any more 4 wheelers lol. Look forward to reading your story next week brother.
My Ravens Comment, Creates a B Paper Sports Blog
As all of you know in Baltimore, I LOVE 2 THINGS. My Ravens and the B Free Daily Paper. I am huge fan of both, so when my Ravens comment creates a B Paper blog story, ya know I had to post it up. I gotta give props to the Insanity on Vensanity sports writter Matt Vensal for doing the blog. It got 19 LIKES under the blog from people on Facebook, the most of any blog I seen on there. It was a masterpiece like Pacso, it even featured my Trailer Park verbal comment on Ray Lewis blasting newly aquired Raven CB Wilson, if he doesnt “Play Like a Raven”.
Here is the direct link to that blog http://weblogs.baltimoresun.com/entertainment/bthesite/vensel/2010/09/does_wilson_play_like_a_raven.html
Check out the blog, also watch the highlight reel of newly aquired CB Josh Wilson, this guy can play!
John Lee Roy Linde AGREES to come back this season
I have some exciting news for Ravens Red Zone readers. “The man” John Lee Roy Linde has agreed to come back for the 2010 Ravens season, as a weekly columnist. Last season, John made a big splash, by seing selected by the Baltimore Sun’s B FREE DAILY PAPER as a weekly Ravens game predictor. Last season, he joined us here, as an EXCLUSIVE columnist.
This is ONE more reason, you want to check us out daily once the season starts. Just like me, John speaks his open mind, which is a perfect fit for the Red Zone. Welcome back John, looking forward to reading your 1st story!!
Does RAVENS OFFICE WORKERS….Read RAVENS RED ZONE?
Whats up peeps! Its 1:20 am in the morning, while you act like a party pooper and are snoozing away, and dreaming you are in the Wizard of Oz looking for Dorthy for some fun, I am here in the Trailer Park, at Ravens Red Zone headquarters, getting ready to type a stroie(Joe Moko’s way to call story) for you sleepyheads!
The biggest mystery for me has been “Does the Ravens professional front office workers(including the Wizard of OZ, Ozzie Newsome) read my blogs here? Is that old man Robert Stack from “Unsolved Mysteries” alive? I need to send him a e-mail if he is. I had a few friend requests sent by lovely young ladies, and on their info page, their employer says Baltimore Ravens.
I have yet to get a friend request from a Ravens big shot. Well yeah, I had a Ray Lewis imposter send me a friend request he asked for money, so he could have 1 million dollars in POKER CHIPS so he could do some online gambling.
I am known as UNPROFESSIONAL, so its funny to how many FAMOUS people have sent me e-mails and facebook friend requests. One time, while blogging on a S.I. site, a reader commented how UFC Bad*ss Brock Lesner was actually one of my readers. Apparently he liked how I talked abut booze, and smack talk. UFC legend Randy Coutoure, sent me a few messages via facebook.
So Ravens bigshots, its OK, to admit who the “Best Damn Ravens blogger in American history is” its me Tim Lumber, the greatest damn media writer in Trailer Park history!! Give the Trailer Park man some respect Ravens, admit it, admit I am the damn king! For 3 years, I been dying to come to the Ravens Castle JUST TO EAT AT YOUR CAFETERIA! I heard they got shrimp, crabs, choclate milk fountains, I wanna eat there. Dont worry you tightwads, Joe Moko WONT come, he would eat all of your food!
I would like to ask the LITTLE PEOPLE in the Ravens office, to get a Petition going, get all of you to sign it, and tell Ozzie Newsome, you want the Trailer Park KING, to come to your workplace to allow him to go to the cafteria and eat. Screw the rest of the place, I just wanna munch out. Do they have beer there also?
Ravens Office workers BETTER read my stroies, I am the most original Ravens writer in America, and the MOST FAMOUS outside of Baltimore! I want me 2 Press Passes also.