Crybabys Make a RAVENS S*CK MYSPACE PAGE!!
I was scrolling through the web, trying to find something good to write about, when I came across this damn “Ravens S*ck Myspace page. Here is the link to this garbage http://www.myspace.com/im_high_maintenance
As usuall its a bunch of Squeeler fans, doing what they do best, and squeeing like the bunch of pigs they are! Admit it Sh*ttsburgh, you hate us, because we are better than you. We aint the 1996 Ravens anymore! We are the Ravens, who make the playoffs every year…how come you all didnt make it last year lol?
This is Joe Moko’s tuesday, so I told him about this retard Myspace page. “Yo, make me a Myspace page, I wanna send these dorks a message. Why everyone trying to call us criminals. Yo, I like Michael Jackson, I a smooth criminal”. 
Here we see a Squeeler fan, still crying about us stealing Clevelands team….haha. Yeah, read this Bozo’s shirt. We still s*ck, thats why we made the playoffs last year, while you all didnt. You have room to talk, you have a QB who is the deffinition of *sshole. Some role model he is. Yeah let me set the record straight….yeah we stole Clevelands team, and we are proud of it! Nobody mentions Indy, for stealing our team. Maybe if Cleveland would have built the Browns a new stadium instead of them reject Indians, they would not have left.
This is the best line you can come up with for a t-shirt? Dont quit your day job Jim Carrey!
You should post a picture of Little Ben Roethlisbergers mugshot up as well, being he has been locked up a few more times than Ray. How long are people going to call the Ravens Jailbirds? I mean damn lol, we aint had a player behind bars in like 2 years now. They also have a pic of Jamal Lewis in a drug room(fake pic of his face). He aint on the Ravens anymore retards. He went to the Brownies, got busted up, and retired.
Our division hates Ray Lewis, simply because he busts up their star players. Look at Mendenhall, Ray Lewis seperated his shoulder. Lewis blasted Ochocinco. And he ended Jamal Lewis’s career. After Lewis met Lewis, he didnt want to play foozeball anymore.
My message to Raven haters is this: Quit crying! We make the playoffs every damn year. So we dont s*ck too bad. There is a saying in sports”If you cant beat them, join them” well maybe you crybabys should join us. Like it or not, we will win the damn Super Bowl this year! Who Dey? Not the Saints, the Ravens!!
LOKO…MOKO TUESDAY!!
Yo, what up bmore? Show the big man some love. Yo, I gotta clear da air real quick. Not one bee-atch had the balls to e-mail thy last week. Nobody from Pittsburgh, Cinncinati, or Cleveland. Thatz because no one in their right mindz, wantz to battle me yo. I weigh 438 pounds, im a big boy. Yo, I love my Raven fans in bmore.
Yo, I was pissed my bar didnt put the Ravens game on. The bartender tells me, they order direct tv nfl before the season opener. I came close to popping him. Only reason I didnt, was cause he is like 90 years old. I dont know if he can survive one my uppercuts with all my body weight behind me…dig me?
I did get into a argument this week. This little man, had on a Chiefs shirt. I said they s*ck. He tries to act all bad, and get up in my grill. I told him, yo, i will slap your hair off your face shrimp. His boy acts like his little boney buddy is bad. He like, yo you dont wanna go to jail for beating up this fat pig. I said yo, this fat pig will beat both of you down. I said I can tape my knuckles up real fast, and we can exchange blows.
Yo, I like Ray Lewis, I will blitz yo *ss, and tackle you on the concrete. Imagine me, on top of you throwing blows. My 438 pound frame, punching you in the grill, screaming in anger. Yo, thats what that Chief fan almost got himself, a free *ss whipping. My boy Tim, sign auotgraphs with a ink pen, yo, i give autographs with my knuckle.
I wanna say what up Ravens. Yo, I hear you like to read my stroies(stories). Yo, yall better beat them jets. I give Rex Ryan some props, trying to get us fat people involved in sports. But yo, Ravens gonna stomp them New Yorkers. Thats it for now cuz, gotta run, got the munchies for some Nathans hotdogs.
Guy Gets FAKE Ravens Tat2 on His Face, and Goes to Pittsburgh!
Johnny Hookle got a Henna Tat2 while down Ocean City, Maryland. The kid has the dough he tells me, so he decided on the spur of the moment to go to Pittsburgh, and go to a sports bar and see what they think of his face tat2. “I got my Henna tattoo to make my face look like a Raven bird” he tells me. “I walk into this fancy sports bar in the Burgh, and its like someone paused a DVD movie, they just paused as I walked in”.
“I yell, Go Ravens”. That is when he was struck in the face by a Heineken bottle, splitting his Raven Tat2′d face! “I was bleeding like pinnata” says Hookle. “My buddie asks for the *sshole who threw the bottle to step up”. That is when things ONLY got worst. A guy in the 6’5″ range stepped up. “He put my buddie to sleep with one punch” says Hookle.
The barmaid dialed 9-1-1. As Hookle was on a stretcher, he gave them Squeeler fans the Middle Finger. “When I stuck it up, the actual paramedic told me he would break my finger and (BEEP) you get the point.
This is more shocking than a electric wire! I mean come on kids, we all knew how Squeeler fans really are. But this was tasteless, just like them nasty *ss Pittsburgh Micro-Brews! People continue to HATE us Raven fans! And my message to you haters….keep it comin bee-atches! I can school all of you non-verbal skilled retards! WHY? Because I live in Baltimore, and I am a drunken Ravens fan!
I told “Ravens Red Zone” columnist Joe Moko about this Hookle story. “Yo, the chump who threw a beer bottle at my boy, and KO’d the other, step up” says Moko. “I am calling you out right now. I am calling out any man from Pittsburgh, Cincinnati, or any wimp from Cleveland. I will bash your face in. I weigh 438 pounds, your best option is to run” says the bad*ss Joe Moko.
Moko also told me to put down his e-mail address in case some “Dumb and Dumber” reject wants to exchange blows with him. Joe Moko’s e-mail is joemoko1@gmail.com “Yo, you dont like the Ravens, then I will beat your *ss” Moko says. It sounds like YOU have 2 options, make the Ravens YOUR favorite team, or get a free beating from Joe Moko…hahaha, whats it going to be….Yeah I thought so…you want to be a Ravens fan!
I HATE YOUR GUTTS…..PRESEASON FOOTBALL!!!!
Let me clear my throat! My Trailer Home is filled with more smoke than Cheech and Chong’s dump, I keep burping from this Rolling Rock. Its 1:47 am, while you sleep away, I am making a statement! Yeah bucktooth, I blog on the Ravens….but this is the preseason! I have NOT watched one game this damn season!
Preseason is the biggest scam! Why do I want some half-*ss reject who will be playing in Canada next year? 1st year we stole our Ravens from them drunks in Cleveland, we went 4-0 in the preseason. The whole town was pumped up like Rocky Balboa on steroids! We got our *ss kicked all season long.
We played the preseason like it was the hootin Super Bowl. I did watch 5 minutes of the Ravens/Redskins game. As soon as I heard “Somebody please tell the Ravens this is only preseason” I thought “yeah, let me turn on cops”.
Is Wacco Flacco OVERATED?
I have been a big supporter of “The Wacco” Joe Flacco for some time now. But Flacco has NEVER outplayed a elite NFL QB in the 2 years he has played. Yeah we beat Brady in the playoffs, but with like 5 turnovers in 1st Quarter, deep in their territory, “The Water Buffalo” Scott Mitchell could have driven us to the points we got in that game. Marc Bulger in my opinion could lead us to the Super Bowl. Alot of these aging NFL QB’s appear to somehow get better later in the careers. Bulger once ran “The Greatest Show on Turf” and we could use a passing game like that!
I cussed Flacco out so many times, watching the game’s on TV last year. He had a bad back, but he looked like a drunken senior citizen at times! I’m glad I wasnt betting any money last year. Good thing my bookie moved to NY 5 years ago, or I would have been BANKRUPT! At least someone had the balls to tell him to face he sucked last season!
That was Michael Oher’s mom, she told him he should not be in the NFL last year on a team elevator. Flacco just smiled, but Oher should have sacked him! Or smacked him lol! Flacco has alot of potential! He is a overhyped QB at the moment. Yeah he can hit a piece of flying clay at a gun range with a football, I seen his Reebok commercial, but YET he cant hit a open WR 5 yards away. Im wondering if that Reebok commercial was fake, if not it must have took him like 5 days of shooting just to hit one damn piece of clay!
This year is clearly make or break for him! I believe the Ravens picked up Bulger for a reason! Wacco Flacco was pissed when they signed him! And who knows what the Ravens ideas are. They have a “Wizard of Oz” sitting in their GM office! Bulger has outplayed Flacco so far. He has a quicker release, and he doesnt run like “The Hunchback of Notre Dame” see Flacco.
Is Wacco Flacco overhyped? YES! He needs to prove what he can do this season. If not, ship him off to Cleveland, they will gladly take our rejects!
Joe Moko TUESDAY…every Tuesday its MOKO TIME!
Ladies and gentleman, if you dont know what today is….then you may have amnesia! Every tuesday, the fatman Joe Moko the 438 pound former amatuer hotdog eating champion, and current illegal bareknuckel hillbilly fighter Joe Moko will have his weekly column posted. This week Moko is pissed, his friend tricked him into going fishing for crappie, and he missed the Ravens exhibition game saturday night at his local pub! Here is Moko’s weekly column…
Yo, I dont givez a crap about crappie fish. Yo, my boy took me out on his piece of sh*tty 1982 Seafinder boat, to catch some Crappie. I never knew crappie were so damn little yo. Its 5pm and we getz lost out there. I got pissed yo, I threw my boys fishing rod in the water. He tried to push me off his crappy boat to get the rod, I weigh 438lbs, i wasnt budging. I shoved a nightcrawler in his mouth, he already had dog breath, maybe it helped his breath get fresher.
Yo, I get real angry when some redneck makes me miss the Ravens game. Thats my chill time, its my Coors Light time. I drinkz light beer, since I pack on pounds easier than a elephant. My boy did bring 2 packs of cold Nathans hotdogs, I ate them in like 5 minutes yo, I need to get back in this hotdog eating circuit.
I will see next game at the pub, plan on getting blasted and starting a fight. Its a common occurance for me to watch a Ravens game here in the Max(Max Meadows) and after the game, I am so pumped yo, I gotta start a fight with the toughest guy I can find. Well as long as they dont have a girlfriend with them. Them country girls like to swing purses and beer bottles when you beat there mans *ss in the pub.
I wanna say go Ravens. Yo, I think you all can win the Super Bowl this year. I talk to you all next week.
Washington DeadSkins…..Hail to the MORONS!
For 10 years, Redskins owner Jack Kent Cook, kept Baltimore from getting a NFL team. For 10 plus years, we were forced to watch the damn Redskins games on TV everyweek. The NFL had them listed as our hometown team, before we got the Ravens. Thanks to former Governer William Donald Schafer, and his endless fight, we now have the Ravens. So what if we stole the team from Cleveland…we gave them a better stadium, and more classy fans!
Every year, we play these damn Deadskins…they call it “The Battle of the Beltway”. Well every year we beat the sh*t out of them. We “OWN THE BELTWAY WASHINGTON” so get off the road, before you get ran over! Whats that white stuff on your hair? Its NOT DANDRUFF, its Ravens Bird Sh*t, the Ravens are flying by just like fighter jets, dropping you drunks off a courtesy present!
The 1st time the Ravens ever went to Washington, the Redskins were so pissed we had a team, they made poor old Art Model, and the Ravens, park there bus in the fans parking lot, even charging them $20 to PARK! This isnt a joke either, you can look it up on the web! They had to walk like 5 minutes to get to the stadium.
So there is a hatred! If someone plays the DeadSkins fight song one more time, I am going to call Joe Moko up, and have him bash there little boom box on the pavement! The song says “Hail to the Redskins” my version is “Hail to the Morons”! This is the team, that pays too much for players, this is why the team s*cks! Fat Albert Haynsworth, got 100 million, now he is the teams biggest slacker! It took this fat*ss 5 attempts just to pass the team physical!
You are going to Las Vegas this weekend? Put down your money on the Ravens. This is MORE than a exhibition game. The team still has hatred for making them park their bus and pay $20 just to park. Yeah, we won that game by the way. We always beat the DeadSkins!!
Joe Moko….Denied Access into Steelers Universe website!
Last week, Joe Moko attempted to back me up. And when a 438 pound bad *ss, says “I got your back” you know it means he is going to either cuss someone out, or challenge them to one of his “Mountain Men Bareknuckel” Max Meadows hillbilly fights! “Yo, I signed up, and they banned me” says Moko.
“I never even got time to speak. They wimped out, they knew I would whip someones *ss before it was all said and done” he tells me by e-mail. Joe Moko has been accused by some people, as being ME lol. I weigh about 180 pounds, not 438 pounds. I live in Baltimore, he lives in Max Meadows.
“I am calling them out right now! Yo, you got something to say, just put a comment down yo. If not, then keep yo mouth shut chumps. Ravens is my team. Keep Squeeling! You chickens are afraid to give a fatman a chance to speak. Let me clear my throat, what ya gotta say?”.
Immedialty after this ordeal, we lucked out here at Ravens Red Zone, when Joe Moko agreed for the 1st time ever, to be a blogger. Joe Moko is soooo good, he is 2 for 2 in getting his comments published in Baltimore’s B FREE DAILY Water Cooler section in the paper. He is shooting 100%, that is perfection at its BEST!
“Yo, getting snubbed, and not getting to speak my mindz, I knew I had to take your offer(Tim) and get my freedom of speech. Yo, I am speaking my mindz every week. I dont care if I hurt your little feelings, I speak, you listen.
WELCOME to the RED ZONE…Joe Moko….Now its time to raise some hell!
Ravens consider “BEING CRAZY” and using Flacco at WR!
Rumor from the B Paper(Matt Vensal blog) says the Ravens practiced a fake play, where RB Ray Rice gets the ball, and throws it to Joe Flacco from the WR position. Yeah it worked 2 years ago against the sorry-*ss Raiders, Flacco almost scored on like a 50 yard reception. But on Opening Day, we play the Jets, and that *sshole Coach REX RYAN!
Somebody put some tape on Ryans mouth. He always has something stupid to say….like me lol. I DONT trust the NY Jets, half there fans are passed out by halftime anyway, from drinking too much booze. Guess its a Jersey Shore thing! BUT you know Rex Ryan, would be licking his chops, for his team to be able to go WACCO on Flacco with a illegal hit, to try and take him out. YEAH, the Ravens do alot of cheap shots….but we are the bad guys, so who gives a HOOT!
We need Flacco, he is a better QB than Sanchez…yeah I said it NY! Sanchez…he throws for 80 yards a game lol. But Ravens….do not line up Flacco against the Jets or Squeelers. The Squeelers are known for cheap shots, and taking players out. Remember when they took Carson Palmer out…that is the ONLY reason they won that game, and got to the Super Bowl. They have NO talent, so they make up for it, with dirty hits, and the refs helping them out, with sh*tty calls everytime there the 2 minute warning comes into play.
What would happen if a defender went WACCO on FLACCO? Say they had to take him out on a stretcher? We would be screwed! Bulger looked like he was afraid during 1st preseason game. I thought it was Elvis Gerbeck for a moment, but then I realized he wasnt crying….so I know it wasnt Gerbeck.
I would like to see Flacco catch a TD, you could line him up against a JOKE team(see the Browns…hahahahaha) and allow him to get that ellusive TD!
Joe Moko…2010 Ravens Red Zone Season Columnist
Ladies and gentelman, the 438 pound former hot dog eating champion, and bareknuckel badass Joe Moko has agreed to become a guest columnist for the 2010 Ravens season. He will be posting one blog a week on here. Here is his first blog….
Yo! Can yall hear me up in dis joint? Its the bigman holla back at me yo! I got in a fight at the bar last thursday night, watching the Ravens game up here in the MAX(Max Meadows, Virginia). This dude told me to quit yelling, so I just smacked him in his mouth yo. Who he talking to? Yo, I am a bareknuckel fighter up in these woods. I just used a simple open had slap technique. Ya dont mess with Raven fans, we back up thee talk.
Whad-up with our CBs? They always getting hurt, now they talkin about bringing back Cory Ivy. He a bum like that. The team should have signed me as a offensive lineman. I weigh more than them skinny people the Ravens have on there offensive line. Nobody could get by me. You think you can run by me. Suit up! Lets do this.
Yo, I am going to be a guest on here. So show me some respect! If you root for the Ravens you my boy or girl. If you dont like the Ravens, u a damn fool. You may get smacked, just like that man at the bar last thursday night. When I say jump, you say”how high”!