Ravens Red Zone….HELL RAISER!
Raaaaaa! Raaaaaa! I got stress issues! I got booze issues! Looks like I am a real damn writer! Name ONE great writer, who was mentally sane? My wife wants to fight with me all night long! I live in the Trailer Park….not Beverly Hills! Raaaaa! Pittsburgh Steeler fans….kiss my *ss! Bungals….ya got nothing on us! Cleveland Brown Fans….quit crying about how we stole your damn team! Put on a diaper, and put a baby bottle in your mouth!
I cant get Ravens PRESS PASSES…raaaaaaa! Im a damn legend! Im the most entertaining Ravens writer alive today! I am the guy Hollywood will do a movie on in 15 years from now! I am the MODEN DAY…..real Edgar Allan Poe! I dont write poetry though….I am a MAN! I suffered a severe anxiety attack caused by STRESS!
From this day on…I dont give a rats *ss! I speak a OPEN mind. So if you are sensitive, go buy some Kleenex bucktooth! Raaaaa! This stress is eating my stomach! The burning in my lungs, the pain in my chest…..raaaaaa! Its time I give you crazy! I am the wildest Ravens writer! Some of you choose to read OTHER Raven writers….who are snobs!
Wake up! I represent the BLUE COLLAR, working man, and woman! Thats why I dont write for the newspapers anymore! How the hell cant you NOT respect that. IM YOUR WRITER! Who is the damn King? Its Tim Lumber! Im back…you get more BANG for your buck here! Ravens Red Zone….go get it Tat2d on YOUR face!
The REAL Reason, the Ravens signed Mark Bulger!
I am back! Its saturday night, 3:57am, I am sipping on my “Rolling Rock” and its time to write another Ravens blog! I been pissed over the FAKE comments I believe the Ravens have made on Mark Bulger! I do NOT believe for one damn “Trailer Park Minute” that Bulger has been signed to mentor Joe Flacco! A close source tells me, there are still secretly some insecurity problems with the Ravens on Joe Flacco.
The source told me last week by e-mail that ” The Ravens are NOT sold, that Flacco can lead this offense as needed. Clearly the backup QB’s they had, could not lead a high powered offense either. Bulger has been signed, in case Flacco is uncapable of leading this talented offense.” he tells me.
Last season, the Ravens said Flacco was hurt. But if he wasnt hurt as bad as the media was meant to believe, than we would be screwed! Bulger may out play Flacco in the pre-season. I see this as a high capability! NO, he will not win Flacco’s job! But if Flacco throws a football like he did last season, the team may tell him to “Act like he is hurt”.
I thought I had stress! Mark Bulger…..your not in St. Louis anymore! Welcome to Baltimore….home of Tim Lumber, the Ravens Red Zone blogger! I tell it like it is! If you play like former Raven QB Scott” The Water Buffalo” Mitchell, then I will embarass you so bad, you will be seeing a pyschatrist, and taking valum, just to calm your nerves bucktooth!
Tim Lumber: Im Recovering from Hospital Trip/Ambulance Ride
This may be one of my most memorable quick blogs. See a few days ago, I was told to consider retirement from writing. You havent seen me in a few days. The tat2d, tell it like it is, booze guzzler suffered a serious anxiety/panic attack in a BAR parking lot of all things this past friday night. I was headed to get my booze after work. When I had numbness in my left side of my body, I could not move. My wife had to dial 911.
It was funny, I remember seeing some drunk come outside when hearing a ambulance, and he says “Somebody had too many beers” I was actually sober at the time. I was rushed to the hospital, where I could not move for about 3 hours. I am still battling night-time panic attacks when I drive. Tonight, I made it home without having to stop. Anxiety is a 99% head game, and I will win this war. And hopefully help others suffering from anxiety and panic attacks in the future.
I have a few local stories I will be posting on my new local sports site(Tim Lumber @ Sports Blog Net). Other than that, I am taking the rest of the week off you crazy fools. I will be back right here, ready to raise hell this Monday like I always do. In the meantime, I need to lower my stress level, which means not writing 4 blogs a night for a few days. I love writing, and I love talking smack. See you all Monday. Im coming back with a “Alchohol Bang”!!
Semi-Pro Football Spotlight: Baltimore Pirates WR Sean Price
When Sean Price has the football in his hands, your best option is to “Get the Hell out of the Way” unless you wanna be flattened like a pancake! Usually its the defenders who do the damage. When this WR for the Baltimore Pirates semi-pro football team has the ball in his hands, the tyde changes faster than the “Atlantic Ocean”. The 1st time Sean Price got my attention was when I attended the Pirates/Big Red Scrimmage. My sister and her husband have the last name “Price” as well, and they joked they may be related to Sean Price.
Moments later, Sean Price caught a short pass, and would “Bulldoze” over about 5 Big Red players, before they would take him down. Players were litterally hanging on his back, as he was still knocking over other defenders. I thought I have seen it all, until that one play. I knew at that point, the Pirates had a legit star for there expansion team. “HE IS DEFINATELY ONE OF THE BEST I’VE SEEN OR COACHED” says Pirates Offensive Coordinator, Michael Ciesielski. “HE IS A TRUE “FOOTBALL PLAYER” HE WOULD EXCELL IF WE PUT HIM AT DEFENSIVE END….HE WOULD EVEN BE A VERY GOOD OFFENSIVE LINEMAN IF WE NEEDED HIM THERE”.
(Pirates Offensive Coordinator, Michael Ciesielski seen in pic to the right, standing next to his “Top Gun” Sean Price)
During the Pirates 1st Home Game in its regular season history, Sean did NOT disapoint the Pirate fans, scoring both of the teams TD’s. Pirates Offensive Coordinator, Michael Ciesielski adds ” SEAN IS THE MOST PRODUCTIVE PLAYER ON THE OFFENSIVE SIDE OF THE BALL AT THIS POINT……….PUT IT THIS WAY …HE IS THAT GOOD THAT I’M HOPING THAT HE STANDS OUT AS THE LEADER ON OFFENSE AND PLAYS FOR ME FOR MANY YEARS TO COME….THE KID IS VERY SMART AND YOU CAN’T TEACH THAT FOOTBALL HEART OR SAAVINESS TO PLAYERS THEY EITHER HAVE IT OR THEY DON’T…..SEAN DOES….I DON’T WANT TO PUMP HIM UP TIM BUT HE IS THAT GOOD AND HE IS A HARD WORKER”.
I recently had the chance to talk to the” Baltimore Pirates” WR, and here is what he had to say….
Tim Lumber: 1st off, can you tell us about your football background before joining the Pirates?
Sean Price: Before I was a Pirate, I played high school football at Gilman and two years at Division 1 James Madison University. What you may not know, is my natural position has always been running back and this is the first time I’ve ever played receiver.
Tim Lumber: You scored both of the Pirates TD’s in the opening home game this past weekend. A scrimmage I attended, you litterally ran over 4 defenders on one play. The coaches have been very high on you, when I have talked to them. Do you feel like you are one of the best WR’s in semi-pro, and what are YOUR goals as a player this season?
Sean Price: As far as being the best wide reciever or one of the best, I’ll let you guys make that call. I’ve never been one to rate myself or claim top position without earning it. But I will say this, no one is goin to outwork me or play as hard as I will. My goal is to get better and increase my production every week, and of course to propel the Pirates into the post season.
Tim Lumber: Pirates QB Dominique Ennals threw both of your TD passes to you in the opener. My group I cover games with, has told me all along, they thinkhe is going to be one good QB. Where would you rank Ennals with, compared to other QB’s you played with in the past?
Sean Price: Unbeknownst to many people, Dominique and I have been friends and competitors our entire lives. We came up through the same pop-warner program (Lakeland Vikings) and understand and know each others abilities. I think Dominique has a tremendous ARM and if he continues to work hard and improve, can without a doubt be a premier quarterback in this league. As for where I would rank him compared to other QB’s I’ve played with, that’s a question that you’ll have to ask later in the season, we are still developing chemistry as a tandem lol…
FOR MORE INFO….on the Baltimore Pirates, Semi-Pro football team(a team that I will be covering this year) click onto there “Official Website” at http://www.baltimorepiratesfootball.com/ (also you will my “Pirate Press stories”) and if you would like to find out the latest Baltimore Pirate news, send them a friend request on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/?ref=home#!/baltimorepirates?ref=ts
Frank Walker to Try-Out for Houston Texans
The “Greatest Free-Agent” in NFL history named Frank Walker, will try out for the Houston Texans this week(the Baltimore Sun reports). No CB in the NFL has the capabilities to get burned on every play like Walker. He is truely one of a kind. How in the hell is this “All-Talk, No-Action” CB still earning 6 figures a year playing in the NFL? Damn, this bumb, will earn more than 150k a year on NFL yearly pension when he retires, due to his time in the league.
You and me will go to work all year, and never make close to what he will make to sit on his non-playing *ss when he retires. Lets not forget the Ravens paid this fool over 5 million while he was here. I cant even think of “ONE” good play he was involved in. He could build a house made of gold if he wanted to. This has to be the biggest “Crook” in NFL history.
Houston….Yee-Haw! I would love for one of you Houston Texan fans to send me a e-mail once the season starts, and tell me “How good is that Frank Walker?”. It will be the free-agent that ruins your franchise. Yeah Houston, he lives up to his last name…… Walker…thats what he does on most plays!
Orioles FANS, Happy Its Almost Raven Time!
This will be a double feature story. This story will appear on both this Ravens Red Zone, and also Camden Central:A Baltimore Orioles Blog for Sports Blog Net, so this is some history in the making folks! So maybe you all are getting the urge to pop open a cold brewskey from your $20 Flea Market Fridge lol?
“Thank God” we have the Baltimore Ravens! Enough with the damn torture Orioles! You have turned our sports town into a damn joke! Well we aint laughing bucktooth! If the Orioles would have been the worst team in MLB the past 2 years instead of the 3rd worst(Nationals, Pirates) we would have Strasburg and Harper. Now the Nationals are the talk of baseball, and we have become even bigger of a joke. I swear if I ever go to a Orioles game at Camden Yards(It better be free, that circus team aint getting my hard earned dollars) and if I see the Oriole Bird, I might just throw a uppercut like Mike Tyson on him!
Comparing the Ravens to the Orioles is like comparing “Opposites” and “NO They Dont Attract here in B-more”. You have a winning franchise(who never lets us down in the Ravens) and you have a team in the Orioles who constantly tries to lie, and tell us how good they will be, only to be dissapointed harder than the year before. Being a Orioles fan with “Hope of winning a World Series” is like being on “Death Row” your wasting your life!
If I were Peter Angelos(owner of O’s) I would try to hang out with Ravens owner Steve Bisciotti! He could take some notes on what it takes to be a succesful, professional sports owner. Angelos is more “Clueless” than Alicia Silverstone was in that damn movie. Sell the team already! Summertime baseball has gotten so bad with the O’s, that I am thinking about becoming a minor league baseball fan. Our Bowie Baysox are competitive, cheap to see, and they do alot of firework nights. I need to BURN my Orioles jersey to hell, and purchase a BaySox jersey.
Yeah, Im keeping my Ravens jersey! After all, I dont have to worry about getting my *ss kicked wearing it, like I do when I sports that Tejada jersey. People are getting stomped sports O’s shirts here. Its almost like wearing a Taliban shirt. People will wanna tape there knuckles up, and dance with you on the street. 4 fans have reportidly been beat down in the last 2 weeks wearing O’s shirts. Im waiting for the day where our local news gives out a warning “NOT” to wear Orioles shirts for safety reasons. Stick with your Ravens shirts…after all they are winners!
2010 Ravens Roost Convention, Ocean City, Md.
Ravens fan Dave Krecz recently attended the 2010 Ravens Roost Convention, in Ocean City, Md. Upon me seeing these pics, on my facebook home page, I asked Dave if I could post a few of these pics. He agreed to allow me to post a few. In the Ravens off-season, I am always looking for new Raven pics, and stories. If you got some, please send them to me, and you could see them right here, on Ravens Red Zone. I would like to thank Dave for allowing us to post these pics.
Dave Krecz poses with former Ravens Super Bowl winning coach Brian Billick.
Ravens Roost parade. Even the Ocean City cops appear to be enjoying the parade.
The Great Ravens Kickoff….Graham vs Cundiff
There will be a kicking contest! The winner will recieve hundreds of thousands of dollars! The loser, will go home with just enough gas money to get home! Its Shayne”Shank” Graham vs Billy”Golden Foot”Cundiff! I do want to add, before I get into this story, that I believe the Ravens should have signed Baltimore Mariners Kicker, J.R. Cipra. The guy hits 50 yard field goals between goalposts 3 times smaller than NFL goalposts. He may be the best kicker I have ever seen. 2 thumbs down to the scouts who were too dumb to scout him.
I think Mr. Shank(Shayne Graham) has a unfair advantage heading into this “Great Raven Kickoff”. Yes Graham is the 3rd best percentage kicker in NFL history, BUT he has a history of missing crucial kicks in tough situations. Sound familar? Reminds me of that Haushka loser! I really hope the Ravens give “Golden Foot” Billy Cundiff a fair shot in this competition.
The NFL has been biased when it comes to signing kickers with less experience. Time after time, teams make the mistake, by going with the veteran kicker. I am pissed we have signed Graham Cracker. The guy is wasted goods. Once a kicker misses critical playoff field goals, he is never good anymore. I could name 10 kickers who have watched there careers end over horrible playoff games.
Haha, Matt Stover, you helped beat the Ravens, I am glad as hell the team didnt re-sign you trader! You are no longer welcomed here in Baltimore. Go back to Indy. Take Shayne Graham with you.
Dino’s Authentics, Can Help YOU Raise Money with Charity Auctions
There is only 1 “Charity Organization” I have continued to stand behind and promote to my readers, and that is Dino’s Authentics. So many local sports teams, churches, companies, etc. are always looking for ways to raise money for there organization.
The thing that really makes Dino’s a “Win, Win Situation” is if you have a public charity event, they will come to you. If they start out a bid(at your event) lets say for a signed jersey with a minimum bid of $100, and the jersey goes for $175, your organization earns $75 on that item. I am going to be posting this on some of the local sports teams facebook pages, that I cover.
Any body with a event, can qualify. If your having a event, you really should look into contacting Dino’s Authentics, that is, if you like making $$$, and lots of it lol. Here is there official facebook page link http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000547983901 click on, and set something up with them.
Dino’s Authentics currently has a auction going on with some cool sports items. Bidding ends on June 15th. The link to bid on all these cool items(Lots of Ravens stuff available) the link is https://spreadsheets.google.com/ccc?key=tNYOcT2HMz6xqlHZ462Oa-g&authkey=undefined#gid=0
There is currently signed items from the late, legendary Ravens QB Steve McNair, as well as signed Flacco items, Ray Lewis signed items, you name it, they got it. Check it out already. And get YOUR organization, to make extra money by contacting Dino’s Authentics!
Joe Moko vs (Browns fan) Charlie Jones on 4th of July!
On the 4th of July in Max Meadows, Va. there is going to be some fireworks in the form of 438 pound Joe Moko swinging for the fences, and trying to KO Cleveland Browns fan Charlie Jones a small fighter at 5’6″ 152 lbs. Usually it is Moko starting the fights. This time Jones sent a e-mail from Cleveland, challenging the badboy to a mountain man fight!
“I dont like Baltimore. You all took our team, so beating a fat Ravens fan and earning a few dollars, should make for a very good 4th of July weekend” says Jones. Joe Moko who has appeared in the B Paper Water Cooler 2 times, going 2 for 2 with his comments, that is a 100% publishing rate, a World Record for B readers lol.
I called Joe Moko tonight at 11:20 pm eastern time, to get his input on this fight. “Yo, I am going to break this shrimps nose. He think he can hurt me. He is too little yo. I may not live in B-More, but I will represent every one of you on the 4th of July. I have a rep as a badboy in Max Meadows. I will be forced to ground and pound this munchkin, I will send him back to Oz…yo” says Joe Moko.
Moko coming off a brutal beatdown, where he had his nose broken by 21 year old fighting sensation Ryan Adams, would only last 23 seconds. He would get a one-way ticket to the hospital via one of the locals pickup truck bed. “Yeah I got stomped. This kid is da champ for a reason. No way, can any shrimp who weigh like a buck-50… can faze me” Moko tells me.
“Im driving all the way from Cleveland to Virginia to settle a score. I aint coming down there to get beat. Joe is just another fat guy, who is immobile. I will beat him by using speed. After I beat him, I will place a Cleveland Browns jersey on his face” says Charlie Jones. I can tell you one thing Charlie Brown. On them mountain tops are like 100 rednecks who know Joe. I wouldnt attempt to place any jersey on his face lol.
I asked the hot-dog eating legend did he want to say any final thoughts? “Lets do this Charlie. I am going to shut you up on the 4th. My hands are like fireworks. You never seen a bigman move like me. I will tackle you just like I did Robert Van Peet! Then you will find out what its like to be the victim of a Joe Moko ground and pound. Take my advice homeboy, stay home and enjoy your holliday. You come up here, its gonna be the worst mistake of yo life cuz” says Moko.
I asked the German Robert Van Peet, who was a UFC prospect until he lost to Moko months ago in freezing temps that dipped -4 below zero on there legendary mountain fight. “Coming into the fight, I could have trained better. I talked to Joe Rogan from the UFC, he sent a scout down there for our fight. I underestimated Joe. In bareknuckel fights, anything can happen. It was so cold on that mountain, that I think his weight kept him warmer than me. I was shocked he went for a takedown. He got me down, and just hit me with the biggest shots I have ever been hit with. There is this 400+ pound man screaming and punching. I yelled for help several times. They stopped it. I had a broken jaw. The UFC no longer has interest in me for losing to Moko. I would have to say Joe beats Charlie Jones very easy on the 4th of July” says Van Peet.
Get your cooler filled with beer, and make the trip that everyone will be talking about. Its the 4th of July Main Event Joe”Golden Gutt”Moko vs Charlie Jones. Start time and location will be announced on June 30th. Stay tuned!