Tim Lumber: The Legendary Fight between a Raven and Colt fan!
There he was. He had made the trip to Indy, back when the Gooose was still a Colt. He had just gotten off a plane, and he had a bad damn attitude. Drinking Jack Daniels, the whiskey made him angry! He was in Indy for the 1st Ravens vs Colts game. And if anybody wearing a Colts shirt would say anything…he was going to snap. As he attempted to walk past the tailgaiters, a skinny guy wearing a Colts hat, would Boooo him.
That is when all hell broke loose! Robert Fullin, the diehard Raven fan would snap. “I just walked up to him, and asked if there was a problem” says Fullin. When the Colt fan said”You are!” Fullin would spit in his face. The skinny Colt fan put Fullin in a headlock to the pleasure of the Colts tailgaters. “They thought he had me, he weighed about A Buck 20 if he was soaked” said Fullin.
Thats when Fullin grabbed him by the legs and gave him a back suplex. “After that, I got on top of him and pounded him into submission” recalls Fullin. Thats also when Fullin would realize….all the money he had spent to come to Indy was a wasted trip. He would be escorted into a Indy police car, where he would spend 3 nights in a jail cell. “I wasted so much money, I lost my job as a school teacher because of the fight” says Fullin.
After working as a elementary school teacher in Baltimore City for 15 years, Fullin would be fired, after the school got a phone call from the Indy police department reporting a assault case involving there teacher. “Now adays, I work as a driving instructer” And NO..not tractor trailers…basic car driving. Fullin now making less than 20k a year, lives in a rundown appartment in the Brooklyn Md. area.
“I lost everything for going to Indy in a bad mood” says a teary eyed Fullin.” I hate the freakin Colts, I wish the Ravens would beat these bums already”. Well this saturday night when you tune into the game….just think..this is one more reason to hate Indy and there trashy Colt fans!!
Even Though He Is Dead….Irsay Is Still Hated In Baltimore
This picture is still legendary in Baltimore. To the right our Mayor who would be Governor, and would be the reason we now have football back in Baltimore…William Donald Schaefer. I seen him a few months ago at McDonalds of all places, and had a chance to shake his hand and say, thank you for getting us the Cleveland Browns! To the left is a picture of deceased Colts owner Robert Irsay. Here he was at his last press conference in Baltimore, being a damn drunkin idiot and yelling at reporters.
To this day, even though he is deceased…is hated by Baltimore. At a game I attended when we played the Colts, someone had a sign that read R.I.H. standing for Rest In Hell. Thats how bad we hate Robert Irsay. And his son and current owner Jim Irsay never wanted to leave Baltimore. Despite that…we hate Jim just as much!
This saturday, fans will be making the trip to Indy, by Plains, Trains and Automobiles…sounds like a John Candy comedy movie….but to us…this is a horror/action flick! We hate the Colts. Screw Indy. Peyton Manning and his TV commercials are stupid. Screw Matt Stover for going to Indy. If you live in Indy….I hate you, and so does everyone living in Baltimore. Go Ravens!
Written by: Tim Lumber
John Lee Roy Linde: Branding the Colts
Round Two, Ding Ding. Manning and Company have been “resting” for a few weeks now. Currently on a two-game losing skid, the Colts think they are prepared for a re-awakened juggernaut known as the Baltimore Raven’s.
Some fans still aren’t jumping on the bandwagon, although it is starting to fill up. Those that question Joe-Cool’s health are the lead holdouts. No need to worry about it. As I have stated for a long time, the Ravens are a smash mouth team that excel at running the ball. Flacco doesn’t need to pass the ball all day.
Manning does, and it seems that our secondary has made great strides in eliminating the bonehead mistakes that have cost the Ravens several games. Manning also has another problem; knock him down a few times, and he goes to water. An upset Manning is a defeated Manning.
As they did against the Patriots, the Ravens need to start strong, limit mistakes, and get an early lead. It’s true that the Colts can make a last minute comeback, so our defense will have to be ready to play 300% for 120 minutes.
So, to close this one out, I call on Ray Lewis, Joe Cool, John(not Jim) Harbaugh, all of the other coaches and players, to put your collective feet on the hind end of the Colts, leave a large Raven head with a bold “B” in it, branded on their psyche, and exorcise this demon once and for all!
John Lee Roy Linde
Trailer Park Fortune Teller Predicts Ravens Will Stomp the Colts!
I was sitting home trying to think of a good story for the Ravens…when I had the idea, to find a fortune teller, to see who would win the upcoming playoff game between the Ravens and Colts. When I asked some of my Trailer park neighbors,”if they knew of any pyschic shops in Baltimore” they laughed at me.
Wes Pate, a lifelong resident in my Trailer park communtiy for over 30 years said”The best fortune teller in the World live 2 blocks away”. He told me her name was Sandra Guttlefin. She has been paying her ground rent for years, off of her Fortune Telling profits. Being ground rent is over $500 a month, I thought”She must have the locals hooked like a sea bass on her fortune predictions”.
So I bravely headed on over to her Trailer Home. Outside there was a sign that said Fortune Telling $25! I thought for $25, this lady better be the daughter of Notradamus lol! I knocked on her door, and a very old lady answered. I had the $25 in my hand. I told her I am a sports media writer….she said”Are You?”. Then I thought,” if she is a pyschic why did she ask me that?”
I told her I needed predictions for the Ravens vs Colts playoff game. I had to sit in front of a crystal ball for crying out loud! This lady was so old, I was looking for dust to fall off of her. The place smelled like cats, probally because there were like 5 cats in the Trailer. It was finally prediction time!
“The Ravens will win 24 to 7 ” she said. When I asked her”How accurate are your predictions” she replied”if there wrong, I will give you, your money back”. Apparently I learned Peyton Manning will be sacked at least 4 times, and he will throw 3 interceptions in this game. So Colt fans, your better off not even watching the game…..Losers!
I am a believer of this senior citizen fortune teller! The Ravens will stomp the Colts and Peyton Manning into the fake grass at there dumpy dome stadium lol! It will be more relaxing this week watching the game, after all….I know my Ravens will win 24-7!!
Written by: Tim Lumber
John Lee Roy Linde: Patriots Shot Down, Film at 11
My girlfriend has a Min-Pin. It’s a breed of dog, for those who don’t know. They don’t walk, they prance. Which is why she calls him “Prancing Fag-Boy”. What does this have to do with football? Because I’ve decided to bestow that same nickname on Tom Brady.
Yes, Tom Brady, the little sissy-mary who is well known for buttering up to the Officials. The same Tom Brady who loves to shed crocodile tears until a flag is thrown. The same Tom Brady who probably thought it should be raining yellow when Ray Lewis drove him into the ground like CEO of Enron did to his company.
I would like to send out a major “Thank you!” to the officials of this game. No joke, that was a fantastic job of unbiased officiating.
I think someone forgot to tell the Patriot’s that this was a playoff game. Either that, or the Ravens really are as good as I keep saying they are. It should be noted, that while the Ravens had their fewest passing yards in a playoff game in their history… that was probably due to the fact that they scored 14 points in the first 2 minutes of the game. Once they established a healthy lead, why risk turnovers? The Ravens are a smash-mouth, physical football team. They excel at running the ball. Leave Joe Cool alone.
The Ravens celebrated a win on Sunday, but as Harbaugh pointed out, each week you go into the game 0 and 0. If you lose, your season is over. Right now, the Ravens are running hot. They will need to keep the momentum for this Saturdays game. This one has more implications than just Playoffs.
John Lee Roy Linde
Ravens Stomp the Patriots and Tom Brady 33-14
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=crmuQjNilaA[/youtube]
Let me put down this bottle of Old Crow whiskey! Its 4:07 am, and I am done celebrating lol! Nobody gave my Ravens a chance…..but who is laughing now? Not me fool! Tom Brady…Who’s That? Brady underestimated this Ravens team, and for that reason him and them other Patriot rejects can sit home and watch the Ravens take there underdog show all the way to Miami!!
John Lee Roy Linde: Putting the WILD in the Wild Card!
*Disclaimer: In this article, I promise not to mention the following; The Steelers didn’t make the Playoffs, The ‘Tom Brady’ Rule that allows officials to flag opposing teams whose players get within 5 yards of him, Sheila Dixon’s trial/verdict/screw job of the people of Baltimore, Tiger Woods affair, midgets/dwarves/oomph-loompas, or my girlfriends breasts.
Round One. Ding, Ding. Ravens vs. Patriots. As most Baltimoreans know, I picked the Ravens to win earlier in the season against this team. Had it not been for penalties(legit and bogus), we could have easily won that game. So here we are again, a few months later, and with much more riding on the outcome.
There are only two things that can prevent the Ravens from winning this game. Biased officiating(which I’m hoping we won’t see, given the fact that only the best officials should be allowed to officiate the playoffs), and stupid, undisciplined play by the Ravens.
Maybe the Ravens should petition the league to have them stop with the Profiling? After all, the Ravens were in the top 3 most penalized teams this season. Not exactly something to be proud of… unless you are the Raiders.
All things considered, the Ravens are in a good position to win this week. Unlike some other teams, Baltimore’s team isn’t here by a fluke. There are those who believe we will be one and out. I happen to not be among those. I believe we can do it.
John Lee Roy Linde
HotDog Eating Champion….Challenges Tom Brady to a Fight!
I have covered Joe Moko for years. He was once the amateur HotDog Eating Champion. He was diagnosed as having pyschotic episodes in 2003….ever since then…he has been a mad man! The 400 pound former Burger King French Fry cook, has tried his hands at illegal bareknuckle hillbilly fights in West Virginia after moving there last year. His record would be a poor 1-4…he would be KO’d 4 times.
He recently e-mailed me this week, with more shocking news! The Baltimore-born HotDog Eating World Class athlete, wanted me to issue a bare knuckle challenge from him…Joe Moko to Patriots QB Tom Brady. “Tell them I am serious” said Moko. “I have no respect for a prettyboy QB”. The 400 pounder then demanded I post the story up on this Ravens Red Zone site. I asked the bigman…”what would happen if I didnt post this story lol?” he replied..”Dont even go there!”
Now the question is…will Tom Brady be a Man or a Woman? If he is man he will fight the 400 pound HotDog eating legend. If he is Woman…which I already think he is…he will act like he never saw this story. Hate to break it to YOU New England…but your QB just got called out…and he isnt man enough to fight Joe Moko. Brady is a WIMP…lol..haha!
New England will be Eliminated this Sunday
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_bGfHOGddBs[/youtube]
This play….look familar? It happened this season! And there WILL be more plays like that this Sunday when the Ravens eliminate the Patriots. Brady will have a Bulls-Eye on his back. Ray Lewis is a different player come playoff time. Remember last season..when he Remembered the Titans by knocking off one of there helmets?
Wes Welker is OUT…haha! The Patriots are NOT the same team they used to be lol! Every week, I plan on doing what I do best….making accurate Ravens playoff predictions, these picks are so accurate…if you happen to be in Vegas this weekend, put your cash up…on my pick! Ravens 24 Pats 10.
I actually feel sorry for New England fans…they think they are going to win…lol! There are going to be some crybabies in New England Sunday…in Baltimore….we will be partying….All Night Long!! Go Ravens!
Tim Lumber….my 3 Raven Comments in the B paper this week.
The B paper is the Free Daily paper put out by the Baltimore Sun. Our new columnist John Lee Roy Linde has been predicting the Ravens games for the paper this season…and I have remained King of its Water Cooler section. Here are 3 links to see my comments in OUR favorite paper in the Baltimore….the B! Note…I am timlumber1 in the paper. We will be posting John Lee Roy Linde playoff prediction in the B paper this friday right here on Ravens Red Zone. Who will John pick…stay tuned. Here are my 3 links(one of them is todays) as timlumber1 from this weeks newspaper.
I am king of the Water Cooler….Go Ravens!!
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